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Natalee Missing in Summer of Sharks
When has America seen such a summer as this?
A damsel in distress mystery furls and twists and bubbles in the tropical heat, sharks feast on young tender flesh, young tender whispers, young tender screams.
FoxNews, America's chosen Emissary of Airwaves, goes to DefCon Five, with THROB! NEWS! ALERTS! every five minutes. THROB! Another shark attack! Standing by for press conference! THROB! Flowers are delivered to the Van der Sloot home! Stay tuned.
When has America seen such a summer as this?
Al Gore's internets are on fire! They are mounting the Orisha over on the Natalee blogs, gunning for Operation Aruban Freedom, the Liberation of the Netherlands, spread some democracy on the Hague, give those Alabama good old boys a crack at showing Joran a lil' bit o' old fashioned Ghraib, he'll break.
Another mysterious disappearance, or two, a corpse adorned with a Colombian necktie, far-reaching Twitty business tentacles, some running a bit afoul of the SEC, reports of a maid who saw - well, never mind, all coincidental tinfoil hat conspiracy theories. No need for evidence, we know he's guilty, Bush repeated after his earpiece, referring to a slightly tatty old CIA asset, a man who used to work for Daddy, and another daddy, another octopus? and who used to work for him?
Don't ask, don't go there. Don't go to Teheran, don't go to Caracas. Mother's tears, electrodes and cream, shark-ripped flesh, party boat DJ, O Legba!
When has America seen such a summer as this?
The heat, you can feel it building, thick, shimmering, moist buzzing heat, sweat pours down foreheads, onto the table, wipe it off, make a speech, the Father comforts his sticky children, America will impose its will, blood is sticky too, the Dutch are the most brutal, said the Spaniards, back in the day when they were just punk kids scuffling over colonial spoils, yes there was a scuffle, the hot-headed young stepcousin, the callow young Dutch boy, over the blonde beauty? or cards?
When has America seen such a summer as this?
A shark took her arm, but she keeps on surfing, buoyed by her own line of fragrances. Blood in the water, dogs in the water, forty dollar Rainbow sandals, Iya Ye Kuma Kue Yu Mau! Joran's poor bleeding tongue indeed.
When has America seen such a summer as this?
It is hot in Caracas, hot in Teheran, smoldering in Damascus, Aruba, shout the blogs, is an extra island. The Americans can buy Joran's thumbs for $200. America can destroy the whole island, the whole region, several regions, the world, with one submarine. They will burn down the houses of their enemies, and their enemies are legion.
When has America seen such a summer as this?
Yards of beer, bull sharks of fear, Yemaya, Yemaya, sacame lo malo y llevalo al mar...
When has America seen such a summer as this?
Nothing to do but wait for news, wait for sharks, wait for September...
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