enemy of the state
one man's conspiracy is another man's business plan
Tuesday, January 18, 2005 | The current mood of DuctapeFatwa
Without the Jews, we have no Rapture

Haley's Nose, Part 5
Part 1, A GoodJob Day in America
Part 2, Defense Secretary William Boykin frowned. "Eleven?"
Part 3, God's wayward Children of Israel
Part 4, "The Citizen Defenders Program, Sir"


"Haley, why do you do this to yourself?"

The OutReach worker shook her head.

"Just look at yourself. Do you know you're old enough to be my mom? And what do you have to show for it? You weren't even a Professional Back Then, were you? You were a hippie. You know that's enough to get you Detained, right there. You don't even wear a yellow ribbon. Or a flag. I don't see how you have managed to keep out of Detention as long as you have."

Haley looked the young woman up and down.

"I'm sure you have TIPS on your speed dial," she said. "Why don't you call them?"

MaryBeth sat down on the crate that served Haley as occasional chair.

"Don't think that's not a question I haven't asked myself. I guess it's just that I hate to see you just let your whole life go by without having it mean anything at all. If you got a GoodJob, you could be making a contribution, helping the economy, you could be part of the War on Terror. Don't you ever think about that? The things everybody wants and you just let the opportunity go."

"I would help the economy more as a Detainee." Haley poured tea from a thermos into a paper cup for her guest. "The per capita cost of Detention is about twice the net profit from GoodJob labor."

"Huh?" MaryBeth wrinkled her nose, both at the tea and Haley's annoying habit of saying things that made no sense. "per capital? Is that English? I can't believe you would just sit here in an American storage shed, with an American Outreach Worker, and just thumb your nose at the English for America Act. Please tell me you didn't just do that"

"I think certain Latin phrases were grandfathered in."

"So you WERE speaking a foreign language!"

Haley stifled a yawn. It had been a rough day. SafetyCleans all over the place, apparently there was some big event tomorrow.

"Listen, MaryBeth. I appreciate your concern. I really do, and I will look at the new brochures, and think it over, and I promise, cross my heart, that if I decide to work for OneBanc, it will be you I will call first, and you who will get whatever Hero points can be gotten."

"Really?" MaryBeth's face was wreathed in smiles. "I would really appreciate that, Haley. You know if I get just 30 more points I'll be up for a Gold Yellow Ribbon! Well, you can choose between that and an Internet Access pass, but nobody does. How would THAT look? And right after you just got Hero Points, too."

MaryBeth laid out the OneBanc brochures carefully on Haley's bed.

"Thanks for the tea. I know you will make the right decision, Haley. I just know it. You don't really hate America."

******

"It's really simple, Reverend Secretary." Ralph Reed brushed an imaginary speck off his Armani sleeve. "Without the Jews, we have no Rapture. I would think you, of all people, would understand that."

Falwell pursed his lips. Rove had just told him essentially the same thing, although the Vice President Emeritus had used a lot more words to do it.

"Ralph, believe me, I am not suggesting that we not HAVE the Jews, at least not in the same way that we no longer have the Muslims, Praise God. But I do not agree, and I have been very frank about this to Mr. Rove and now to you, I do not see why we have to have them so visible."

"And I am sure that Mr. Rove explained to you, Reverend Secretary. Morale. Incentive. Motivation. People need to SEE the Signs. Jews are a Sign."

"No, they are not a Sign!" Falwell was losing patience. "They are nothing but Unsaved, Ungodly, HEATHENS who walk openly on the streets, even appear on TELEVISION, for crying out loud, and set a bad example for Christian Youth."

"The people see them as a Sign, sir. They need to see them, just like they need to see the Insurgents on TV. They need to see the Enemy at home and Abroad. It is a constant reminder to them, not only to be Vigilant, but of WHY they are being Vigilant. They need them to Witness to."

"They could be Witnessed to, and seen, in a Protective Facility, Richard. We have teams in all of them. There are Christians whose every waking moment is spent in intensive Witness to Muslims and Hindus in those things. But it's a moot point. Rove agrees with you, and he is the boss. At least here on earth." Falwell allowed himself a small chuckle.

At least he had won out on the public display of Hanukah parephenalia, even if he had had to get a little apoplectic to do it. "We CANNOT allow GRAVEN IMAGES on the streets of Christian America!" he had shouted. He thought it had frightened Rove a little. Good. Sometimes Rove needed a little reminder of the high standards that a Man of Faith should maintain.

"One more thing, sir." Reed handed Falwell a manila folder. "Some suggested talking points for tomorrow. Boykin wants you to make a few remarks on the Faith-Based Nature of the Citizen Defenders Program."

"Good, good," Falwell peered into the folder. "Tell him to get that Marine Band. Have them rehearse "Onward Christian Soldiers" and let's see if we can't get the lyrics on a big screen. Have a sing-along going on during the actual launch."

posted at 4:11 AM

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testimonials
Actions like Sep 11 do not happen in a vaccuum. Long before those hijackers ever stepped foot on the planes the damage had been done. They were brainwashed with the same type of garbage propaganda that is spewed from Fatwa's weblog.
RedTard
blogcritics.org
Middle Eastern countries are so much more barbaric today and preAmercia than America can ever hope to be...America has only been around 230 years...who did you blame for everything before that Ductape? I am calling a Fatwa on your bullshit!
Militarytracy
boomantribune.com
IMO - terrorist plain and simple. He is an Al queda operative who should be put in a cage on gitmo
Skinner
conservativeunderground.com
My favorite..."In Defense of Holocaust Deniers"
drdon326
democraticunderground.com
I always thought that "The Enemy Within" was just a metaphore for liberalism, that is, until I encountered Ductape Fatwa. He should be in an orange jumpsuit for sure.
limewireayane
peopleforchange.net
ductape is either a commie, al queda, or a deep cover mole
windansea
conservativeunderground.com
Tells you something about this asshole doesn't it. He's really serious.
GabysPoppy
conservativeunderground.com
I believe that DF is nothing but a Republican plant...
SallyCat
boomantribune.com
Ductape is a commie, a terrorist, and he drinks blood too. He drinks Capitalist blood. He eats unborn babies too
J97
conservativeunderground.com
Give me your address and I'll send you $20 and a thank-you note for taking your hatred elsewhere.
redwagon
boomantribune.com
A terrorist with a sense of humor!
Nephilim
conservativeunderground.com
He ain't nuthin' but shit
Jim Sagle
democraticunderground.com

inadequate, halfway house bullshit
Arthur Gilroy
boomantribune.com
You are a dumbass. Fuck you and your condescension about us "benighted sheeple."
hamletta
dailykos.com
Untruthful, damaging bullshit
John Locke
democraticunderground.com
no better than the neocons and no different than Timothy McVeigh space
dailykos.com
a turd in the punchbowl...if DF were Joe Hill he probably would have killed himself rather than get put to death.
nothingshocksmeanymore
democraticunderground.com
A compost pile of fecundity
Feanor
dailykos.com
despicable and literally mentally ill
Addison
dailykos.com